The 5 Most Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their ADHD Child

The 5 Most Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their ADHD Child

After years of working directly with families, schools, and kids, I’ve noticed something that keeps coming up. ADHD presents differently in every child, but when parents are struggling, the root issues often boil down to the same patterns. These aren’t about blame, parents are doing their best with what they know. But they’re the mistakes I see the most, and once they’re addressed, everything starts to shift.

1. Only reacting instead of preventing

Most parents stay stuck in reaction mode, putting out fires when behaviours explode.

The problem is, if you only look at the behaviour in front of you, you’ll keep missing the triggers that caused it. Without prevention, it feels like an endless cycle of chaos.

Prevention means stepping back, noticing the patterns, and planning ahead. It is exhausting to always be monitoring, always being present minded. But it does save the stress and fallout when behaviours occur.

2. Relying on punishment and fear

Punishment and fear can feel effective because it forces a short-term result. But it’s not teaching regulation or responsibility, it’s teaching fear. This traps parents in constant power struggles, where “laying down the law” is the only tool they know. Long-term, it damages connection and pushes the child further away. Making future reconnection and regulation much harder to have them take on board or engage with you.

3. Not fully understanding ADHD’s scope

A lot of parents think ADHD just means inattention, impulsivity, or being a bit hyper. But the deficits run much deeper. Emotional regulation, executive function, time management, sensory processing, and even self-esteem. Without understanding the full scope, parents place expectations their child simply cannot meet, and then wonder why progress stalls.

4. Expecting the child to adapt to the environment

Parents often wait for the child to “grow out of it” or “learn” to cope with an environment that isn’t designed for them. Instead of changing routines, structures, or surroundings, they rely on reminders, punishment, or extra teaching. The reality is, the environment has to shift first. Expecting the child to bend to a system that doesn’t fit their brain just sets them up to fail. If your child needed a wheelchair, you'd get a ramp. This is the same mentality that is needed when you need to meet your child with where they are at, rather than where you want them to be.

5. Focusing on behaviour instead of the cause

This is the big one. Parents zero in on what the child did, shouting, refusing, forgetting, without asking why. Was it anxiety? Overstimulation? Hunger? A poor transition? The behaviour is just the signal. Until you focus on the root cause, you’re chasing symptoms instead of solutions.

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In all my experience, it nearly always comes back to these five. Once parents understand them, everything else starts to make sense. Progress isn’t about “fixing” the child, it’s about changing the approach.

6 Unseen ways 'School Can't' affects parents

Let’s talk about what really happens when school isn’t working for your child.

Not enough people realise this, but when a neurodivergent child struggles in school, whether it's refusal, suspension, constant behaviour reports, or being sent home early, the impact doesn’t stop at the school gate.

It lands directly on the shoulders of parents. On our time. Our jobs. Our mental health. Our careers. Our finances.

And that pressure? It can be relentless.

Here are 6 Unseen ways 'School Can't' affects parents:

1. Many of us simply can’t work full-time

Full-time jobs often demand stability, predictability, and availability, three things that vanish the second your child struggles with school ‘refusal,’ behavioural needs, or is suspended for the third time in a fortnight.

Meetings don’t schedule themselves around meltdown recovery time. You can’t put “crisis” on pause just because your shift starts at 9.

2. We get pushed into low-paid or insecure work

We need these flexible roles because we have to, not because we’re choosing freedom over career. That means part-time roles, casual gigs, or self-employment.

But these roles often comes with a cost, no sick leave, no job security, no backup. And sometimes, no money left at the end of the week. And that's if you can GET to work.

3. For every lost shift, there are more costs

Every missed shift. Every rescheduled meeting. Every specialist appointment. It all adds up, in therapy bills, sensory tools, transport costs, and time.

We earn less and spend more. And let’s be real, government supports rarely come close to covering the gap, let alone any form of support for ADHD from the Government.

4. The emotions and anxiety plays on our mind

This one gets missed all the time.

The exhaustion. The stress. The mental health strain. Sleep-deprivation, advocacy fatigue, and the constant worry... it’s not background noise. It’s a full-blown weight on our shoulders, every single day.

Even when we can work, we aren't always present in mind. We’re doing it with emotional baggage most people never see.

5. It's hard to find sympathy

Most workplaces don’t have policies, or compassion, for this level of invisible responsibility. It's not very well understood or excused to cancel a meeting because your child needs picking up for the 3rd time this week. We’re either forced to hide what we’re juggling, or risk losing our jobs for being honest about it.

6. The long-term impact is never grasped

This isn’t just about the now. It's about what this means long-term.

Especially for solo parents with no backup, the risks aren’t just emotional, they’re financial and structural.

So let’s be clear...

Parent carers aren’t just “tired parents.” We’re doing two full-time jobs, one of which doesn’t come with a paycheck, a break, or a safety net.

And we’re expected to show up at work like we don’t have kids… Then show up at home like we don’t have jobs.

This isn’t a minor inconvenience. It’s a massive, systemic flaw that punishes people for stepping up to do vital, unpaid work, and it’s time that changed.

Caring for our neurodivergent children are sometimes, full time jobs. And it’s time the world started recognising that.

ADHD High School supports that actually help

After lots of frustration of reading IEP's all focused on emotional behaviours, or, reactions, from students with ADHD. I've prepared some ADHD supports that would actually help in High School.

Let’s start with this, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition. That means the brain is still developing in the areas responsible for planning, attention, memory, and emotional regulation. So when we expect a 13-year-old, scratch that.... because I'm still hearing how seemingly unnecessary it is to ask for supports for an 11 year old starting high school.

They're ELEVEN!!! Some countries don't even allow you to legally leave them at home on their own........ so when we expect a child with ADHD to function like a well-organised adult, we’re setting them up to fail.

And when people say, “But the real world won’t accommodate them,” I just want to scream. "We build ramps. We offer interpreters. We print in braille. We already accommodate people all the time." We just decide which people are “worthy” of support.

So here’s what would actually help an ADHD student in high school, and no, I’m not talking about generic advice like “they just need to try harder.” Or, "extra time on tests." That's great for slow processing, but not every ADHDer needs that, sometimes more time can be worse. I'm meaning real, practical strategies that are grounded in how ADHD brains actually work.

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1. Keep Parents in the Loop – Always

Don’t rely on the student to remember due dates, bring home notes, or plan for upcoming events. They can’t. That’s the point. ADHD affects working memory and forward planning. Email the parent. Use an app. Send a carrier pigeon, SMOKE SIGNALS if you have must. If you want that excursion form back, tell the parent. All too often do we get emails and messages about overdue or late assessments the day they are due, or as the last week has showcased. If we had an outline of assessments for the school year. What subject, what the assessment is called, even better would be to know how to navigate to the resources on the overly complicated filing system and abbreviated naming school folders so we can help our child. Our children's file management replicates their bedrooms, chaos.

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2. Assessments Should Be Bite-Sized

Stop giving ADHD kids a 6-week project and expecting it to be handed in on time with no support. Those with ADHD don't look forward in time, only the immediate.

So when we get a project in week one and it's due in week 6 without any further check ups, look, you might as well fail them there and save the headache. What would work better, and honestly, this would be perfect for everyone. Break it up into several parts. Part 1 due in Week 2. Part 2 due in Week 4. And don’t even show them Part 2 until they finish Part 1. Chunk it. Guide it. Scaffold it. That’s how they succeed. No more, receive assessment in week 1, draft is due week 5, whole thing due week 6. They WILL fail with that method.

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ADHD Parenting Strategies eBook – Volume One [Digital Copy]

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3. The Behaviour Isn’t the Problem, The Build-Up Is

This one I'm sorry, isn't so much for the benefit of the student, or the teachers. But it will help their specialists get the root of the problem more effectively, so, it should hopefully come back to you in a more positive direction eventually. But we aren't so much concerned with the behaviour itself. The throwing the chair through the window, the storming out of class, the screaming at the teacher. There isn't much we can do with this information. Everything with ADHD must be preventative, and so knowing about the build up is the most important factor. The changes in their day, was there a relief teacher, did they have a lunch time detention and never got a movement break, was their a change in routine or something loud going on? All of this information is vital to helping their specialists get a better understanding of what could be going on and how we can all work together to reduce these explosive moments.

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4. Give Them One Binder for Everything

There are some schools that insist on having one book per class and have specifically said that larger books with separate sections, or even binders, are not acceptable to be used for school classes. But for many, having a single binder or folder that holds every subject’s notes, worksheets, and reminders can be a game-changer. Colour-coded, clearly labelled, and kept in their classroom if possible. Less to worry about, less to think about, less to overwhelm them.

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5. Let Them Store Books and Tools in Class

Don’t expect them to cart around books, pencil cases, and random worksheets. If they can store gear in the classroom, they’re way more likely to actually have what they need when they need it. I couldn't tell you the total cost of lost or broken items needed for school. Laptops, tablets, pencil cases with their scientific calculator, etc. These kids we will constantly have to tell them to pick up their laptop from the middle of the walkway at home. To not place a drink right above a powerboard. To make sure they have everything before leaving a particular place, otherwise they would lose it. I know one child that has all of his belongings airtagged and alerts sent to the parents phone for when he walks to far away from them without it on his persons. It's been years, he still forgets these things and only remembers when the alerts go off. And as a parent/carer of 3 children that are moving onto their 3rd, almost 4th laptop/tablet for the YEAR!!!! It would be financially relieving to make an exception for this.

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Child Regulation Checklist

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6. Check In at the Start and End of Class

Sounds simple, but it matters. Not much to really go on here about this, just a simple, “do you know what to do?” “Have you started?” “Let me see what you’ve got so far.” That five-second check-in can prevent a whole lesson of distraction or confusion. Although I will warn you, when they say, "yes," it doesn't always mean yes. That could just be an automatic reply, or them being too overwhelmed or embarrassed to ask for help. To actually check, and even go over it once more in front of the class but in a different wording could make all the difference in the world.

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7. Let Them Use Timers and Alarms

Timers are not a distraction. They’re a lifeline. ADHD brains respond really well to time-based prompts, it helps cut through time blindness and get them into action. Let them set alarms. Let them use it to stop, too. Because stopping is just as hard as starting. I write this as I ask my kid to set the timer in the room behind me because I know that if it doesn't go off, I'll be writing these for hours and burn myself out. Irony huh.

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8. Peer Support or a “Buddy” System

Not for babysitting. For scaffolding. Someone who can remind them what the task was. Someone who can say, “Hey, we need to go now.” Because you know what? Most of them want to do the right thing, they just need the right support to get there. And when I say buddy, I don't mean their best friend. And now, I completely understand that this can go the opposite direction, so use with caution. But if you place someone unstructure with someone structured, they can pull them up. Just as being around positive people can rub off onto others. But it CAN also work the opposite direction, and they may bring down the others.

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ADHD Explained - eBook

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9. Offer Other Ways to Show Their Knowledge

Not every ADHD kid will thrive in an essay format. Let them make a video. Build a model. Record a voice note explaining their thoughts. They still learn, and you’ll probably learn more about how they think, too.

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10. Do the Work In Class

Don’t assume they’ll do it at home. Not because they’re lazy, because home might be full of distractions, stress, or no support. Always keep this saying in thought when working with ADHD. If it's out of sight, it's out of mind. That goes for work as well. Sometimes, even if the parents have the memo of school work needing to be done, trying to get them started can be next to impossible because it's simply the wrong setting, or because they are completely burnt out. And something many teachers don't get to experience, 'if you think they're hard during the day at school. Just remember that their medication has worn off by the time they get home.' We sometimes have no hope. If it’s important, make space for it in class with adult guidance.

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