How do I Stop my Child Lying: Reasons Children Lie

Lying is a common behaviour among children, and as parents or caregivers, it’s important to understand the reasons behind it. Here are three key reasons children lie.

To Avoid Disappointing You

As simple as that. Children often have a strong desire to please their parents. When they feel they might disappoint you, lying can seem like an easier option to keep your approval. This is especially common in situations where they fear they haven’t met your expectations. You call out, "Did you take the bins out?" And without hesitation they yell back, "yes." Whether they didn't put much thought to what they said, replied on automatic instinct because that's the answer you want to hear. Or whether they are saying it because if by the chance they get away with it, they may avoid punishment. Which leads us to the next reason.

To Avoid Perceived Punishment

Fear of punishment is another significant reason children lie. If they believe they’ll get in trouble for their actions, they might choose to lie to avoid the consequences. This is often a sign that they need reassurance that honesty will be met with understanding and support, not just punishment. Think about it. You're given two choices. Telling the truth means you'll be punished, but being caught lying comes with a slight chance they avoid the punishment. The odds are in their favour for choosing to lie.

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Here is a rule I follow And that is, if you know the truth of a situation.

Don't provide them the chance to lie, don't start a conversation with the intention to catch them out in a lie by trapping them.

If you want them to be open, you yourself need to start with being open.

Not hiding the intent in lines of questioning.

Hiding intent in your inquisitions can only foster distrust in what your motives may be when being communicating.

If you don't believe me, think of someone you've known that always looked for ammo to use against you, or something to use on you to lie about, or simply to start problems.

We've all known someone like that.

You learned to be quite reserved of that individual.

You as a parent, don't want to be that individual for your child.

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And Lastly, To Avoid Embarrassment

Kids might fabricate stories to cover up something they feel ashamed or insecure about. This could be anything from a bad grade to a mistake they made. The lie serves as a shield against the uncomfortable feelings of embarrassment. Something they've forgotten to do. The reason they lost at a game or sport. The reason they 'did or didn't do,' a particular thing.

By fostering a supportive environment, we can help children feel safe to be honest and learn from their mistakes. After all, lying is often a sign that they need our guidance and understanding more than ever.

Parenthood with ADHD: Finding the Perfect Solution in Imperfection

Parenting is like being on a rollercoaster that never stops, especially when you've got kids with ADHD. I'm here to share a bit of my life that sounds simple but is anything but: getting my kids to brush their teeth before bed.

Imagine me, totally wiped out, camping out in the bathroom because, well, I have to. I've got two boys with ADHD. If left to manage brushing their teeth on their own. One of them will wander off with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, dripping toothpaste everywhere, probably stopping to watch TV or cuddle the cats. The other? He'll forget what he's doing mid-brush, leave the water running, and get super interested in reading what's in the toothpaste instead of actually using it.

And if I have them both do their teeth at the same time? They turn the bathroom into a WWE ring, complete with tag team matches and water fights.

So, what's the least stressful option? Park myself in there with them. It saves on clean-up, cuts down the drama, and honestly, at the end of the day when I'm beat and just want a moment of peace, it's the easiest thing to do. Sure, I might have to play referee and remind them that the shower glass isn't a WWE prop, but it's worth it.

I get asked a lot about how to make ADHD kids more independent, especially with simple stuff like brushing teeth so we can, you know, actually do other things. The hard truth? Sometimes, they're just not there yet. It could be their age, how wiped they are from the day, or just the way things are at the moment. And that's totally okay.

It's exhausting, yeah. You might feel like everyone's judging you for not having kids who haven't reached these milestones yet. It can even feel like you're babying them too much, or that you are failing them. Which, you aren't.

Because the flip side? Trying to force independence before they're ready just leads to frustration all around, more messes, and honestly, no time saved. There are days when you'll see a glimmer of hope, like they're getting the hang of it. But today might not be that day.

I just wanted to say this out loud because you're not alone, and you're doing an amazing job. The fact that you are here reading this already speaks volumes about your dedication to your child(ren). It's tough, and when it comes down to it, being there for them, is what makes a difference. Here's to all of us getting through another day of parenting with our sanity (mostly) intact. You've got this!

Stop Doing This With Your Child Immediately: The Sneaky Trap of Rewards

We've all been there—falling into the trap of offering rewards as an easy way to get our kids to do things. After all, what harm could it do, right? Well, let's talk about the Overjustification Effect, a psychological concept that sheds light on why this might not be the best approach.

It's guaranteed we have fallen into this trap, whether we are aware of it or not. So what is it exactly?

It's what happens when you enjoy an activity simply because you enjoy it, but then you start getting something more, or rewarded for doing what you were already doing.

Your genuine interest in the activity takes a hit. The extra reward push the joy to the backseat and now the rewards need to continue coming to get that same feeling of joy.

And so what happens when the rewards stop? Well... there goes the joy in the activity altogether.

Kids and Grown-Ups Are in This Together: Overjustification Effect doesn't play favourites. It's there for both kids and grown-ups. Imagine your kid loves drawing, and you start giving them stickers every time they doodle. At first, it sounds harmless, right? But over time, the stickers become the focus, and the simple pleasure of drawing starts fading away. Just as much as giving them lots of praise, stopping for ice cream, or special treatment for doing well at something.

The TV-Chips Combo: A Classic Example Now, let's dive into a real-life example we've all experienced. Picture this: you adore kicking back and watching your favourite TV shows. It's your ultimate chill-out mode. One day, you snack on some mouthwatering chips while catching up on your series. It's a match made in heaven! But here's where the Overjustification Effect sneaks in. Over time, your brain links TV time with chip munching. Now, it's hard to watch without those chips, and it's equally tough to munch chips without a show on. They've become a duo you can't separate. It's something I have had to stop in many households with children. Parents confuse their child's boredom and stimulation with needing to eat while watching TV with them still being hungry. But once you separate the two, they don't want to watch the TV and they don't want to eat. Just like us sitting at the table scrolling Facebook or Youtube while having our breakfast in the morning. We can't simply, 'enjoy,' our meals anymore.

How It Affects Behaviour So, what's the big deal with rewards? Well, overloading an activity with rewards can mess with our natural love for it. Imagine kids getting treats for cleaning their rooms. Over time, the focus shifts from room cleaning being a responsible thing to do, to just getting those treats. And when the treats stop, guess what happens? The room-cleaning enthusiasm takes a nosedive. This is imperative to remember for adults and children that struggle with motivation deficits such as ADHD and other conditions that affect executive functions.

It should serve as a reminder that we need that balance. We need to be careful not to unknowingly dim the sparkle of things we love. The secret? Embrace the joy of doing things for the sheer pleasure they bring. Whether it's kids colouring, grown-ups working, or simply enjoying your favourite TV show, let's keep the natural excitement alive. So, go on—dive into those activities you adore, and let the pure fun flow!