How do I Stop my Child Lying: Reasons Children Lie

Lying is a common behaviour among children, and as parents or caregivers, it’s important to understand the reasons behind it. Here are three key reasons children lie.

To Avoid Disappointing You

As simple as that. Children often have a strong desire to please their parents. When they feel they might disappoint you, lying can seem like an easier option to keep your approval. This is especially common in situations where they fear they haven’t met your expectations. You call out, "Did you take the bins out?" And without hesitation they yell back, "yes." Whether they didn't put much thought to what they said, replied on automatic instinct because that's the answer you want to hear. Or whether they are saying it because if by the chance they get away with it, they may avoid punishment. Which leads us to the next reason.

To Avoid Perceived Punishment

Fear of punishment is another significant reason children lie. If they believe they’ll get in trouble for their actions, they might choose to lie to avoid the consequences. This is often a sign that they need reassurance that honesty will be met with understanding and support, not just punishment. Think about it. You're given two choices. Telling the truth means you'll be punished, but being caught lying comes with a slight chance they avoid the punishment. The odds are in their favour for choosing to lie.

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Here is a rule I follow And that is, if you know the truth of a situation.

Don't provide them the chance to lie, don't start a conversation with the intention to catch them out in a lie by trapping them.

If you want them to be open, you yourself need to start with being open.

Not hiding the intent in lines of questioning.

Hiding intent in your inquisitions can only foster distrust in what your motives may be when being communicating.

If you don't believe me, think of someone you've known that always looked for ammo to use against you, or something to use on you to lie about, or simply to start problems.

We've all known someone like that.

You learned to be quite reserved of that individual.

You as a parent, don't want to be that individual for your child.

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And Lastly, To Avoid Embarrassment

Kids might fabricate stories to cover up something they feel ashamed or insecure about. This could be anything from a bad grade to a mistake they made. The lie serves as a shield against the uncomfortable feelings of embarrassment. Something they've forgotten to do. The reason they lost at a game or sport. The reason they 'did or didn't do,' a particular thing.

By fostering a supportive environment, we can help children feel safe to be honest and learn from their mistakes. After all, lying is often a sign that they need our guidance and understanding more than ever.